SELF 2

Sunday 1 April 2007

Dear Celeste,

Stop going out with crazy people. Find a nice normal boy. He must not tell you about how wonderous fruit is. He must not pick up litter all the time. He must not talk to squirrels. He must not be ridiculously over sensitive. He must not be into himself more than you. He must have a backbone and not be afraid to talk to you. He must have a full head of lustrious hair. He must not stalk you.

In the last 6 years you have been out with men who all go against one or more of the above. Stop this now.

Become a nun or a lesbian. Or a lesbian porn star - you'd make good money.

Love

Self.