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ME, MYSELF AND I

Monday 4 February 2008

For as long as I can remember I have always been extremely fickle. I go through phases of being really into something, be it a certain chocolate bar, sandwich, type of pizza or even guys. Then as quickly as I had developed my semi obsession I am onto the next new and exciting thing.

I'm currently really into salted popcorn. I have a popcorn maker (thank you Secret Santa) so I pop my own kernels and put a bit of salt on them. It's great because there is hardly any fat in popcorn so you can eat it without having to add a few more miles onto your run. But I hardly created a post just to talk about popcorn now did I!? As fun as that would be I can't imagine you lot revelling in the knowledge that popcorn was discovered by Native Americans thousands of years ago, it became a luxury during the Depression being charged at anything from 5 - 10 cents a bag (daylight robbery!) and it's one of the top causes for children choking to death (along with hotdogs and balloons) - nice. No no no the particular area of my fickleness that I'll be writing about is Boys.

When I first meet a guy and (amazingly) fancy them, I get excited and revel in the whole 'getting to know them' part. We text and email and chat and then I meet them again and I find that I don't fancy them anymore. I have no idea why I suddenly lose the attraction I had for them - it just happens. Sometimes it can happen on the second date and other incidents can happen two or three weeks into the dating relationship thing. Each time though the loss of attraction is very sudden. It's quite bizarre.

I live with a very good looking guy. He's six foot three, very toned, has green eyes and dark blonde hair and we get on really, really well. I have secretly fancied him since I met him in June last year but just before Christmas I decided that actually I don't fancy him. Don't get me wrong I still think he's a hottie but I think he's fallen into the Friend Zone. From the very first day we moved in together there was an instant click with us. We like the same things and agree on pretty much everything. As I've gotten to know him more, I've found I like him more and more as a person but instead of that resulting in attraction and pursuit of romance it's veered off into almost a brotherly affection.

I even get slight fickle thoughts when in a long term relationship. With my first ever 'proper' boyfriend the grown up relationship was all brand new so that kept me interested and occupied for a while and then after discovering that we simply weren't compatible sexually wise (I wanted it all the time and he hardly ever did) I started debating as to whether this was what I really wanted. I loved him and thought he was a top guy but I'm a pretty passionate person and sex is important to me. Because of my indecisiveness and worries that I was asking too much (was case of grass is always greener?) the relationship dragged on far longer than it should have and it carved away at my self confidence.

My second long term relationship was very very different. I fell deeply in love and we were extremely compatible in the shaggage department. Yet even though I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread, I went through a good few months of thinking I had made a terrible mistake moving to Scumhampton (which in hindsight I had - I hated it there) and secretly wished I was single. That passed and I loved being with him but still found myself now and again looking at him and thinking - do I really love him as much as I think I do? I suppose the answer to that was yes as I still get hurt now when reminders of him pop into my life - I don't want to know what he is doing. I don't want to know that he's happy. In fact I'd rather forget that he ever existed. He is part of my past and helped (along with numerous other things) shape me into who I am today but the past is exactly where he should stay. In a little dusty chest in the attic space of my mind.

Which brings us to today. Today I came into the office, took my seat next to WB and realised I don't fancy him anymore. Good grief.

I think it will take someone very special to keep my interest piqued. In fact out of all the men that have featured in my life, I only ever think of one and wish things could have been different, I was young, he was married..........but that's another story.

I have a feeling that I may well be the next Cliff Richard. Only less ugly. Oh and less rich and famous. Hmm and less God loving. You know what I mean.

Posted by Celeste at February 4, 2008 06:52 AM | TrackBack

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