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CLOUDS, SILVER LININGS AND ALL THAT

Tuesday 12 September 2006

It's pretty fair to say that I've had a pretty shit few months. I haven't had the best time here in Southampton and just when I thought it was finally going to settle down and I'd have a chance at being happy I got dumped. One day I was in a serious relationship looking forward to the future and the next one little text message changed all of that.

I've had a lot of pretty crap things happen to me over the years and I finally took the plunge and admitted to myself that I need to face my past instead of sweeping it under the carpet. I've come on leaps and bounds and twinned with the weight loss I feel pretty fantastic about myself but I still had my break up looming over me. It didn't matter how much I talked about it to my very close friends, mum and (oh god) therapist nothing seemed to be able to help me get over it. I just had so many questions and no one could answer them bar one person. To me a text message is not the best way to end a 2 year relationship. I just felt so stupid. I felt like a failure and I felt confused and betrayed. I then get angry at myself for still having feelings and tell myself that I really shouldn't be feeling this way still. He's moved on. He has a new life and he wants to be with other girls. I need to stop feeling guilty when I go out and flirt and I need to start living the life of a carefree single girl. I really would like to have a good snog!

Thursday was the last day I cried about this. I sobbed for about 2 hours on my friend Colin. After I calmed down something in me changed. That would be the last time I was ever going to shed tears over this.

Since then I've been really positive. I'm really proud of myself for having the guts to do something about being miserable down here and even more proud of the fact that I'm doing it by myself. I'm not relying on my mum. I'm relying on myself. It just helps that I happen to have a very close circle of friends who's support has been overwhelming. All of them are being so positive about my big move. They've all been slightly protective and shown that they care about me. I think the biggest silver lining out of all of this is my relationship with my mum. She's just been amazing. For years we've almost been friends really but now she's my mummy again.

So although it's been a bit poo I'm starting to realise that in fact every cloud does have a silver lining.

(pssssst plus I only have 2 weeks and 2 days left! WOOOOOOO!)

Posted by Celeste at September 12, 2006 04:17 AM | TrackBack