Thursday 17 January 2008
Before the Tequila Extraordinaire that was my work's Christmas do, Myself, WB and Irish Mel decided that we should go Speed Dating. Not because we thought we'd find our perfect partner/soul mate/etc there but just to say that we'd been. I've always liked the idea of Speed Dating because I get very bored you see. I'm very rarely interested in someone on the first date, in fact I've never been really into anyone on a first date, it's usually been around the 3rd or 4th time we've met up that I realised I'd like to see them more because I do actually fancy them. So the idea of spending 3 minutes with someone appeals to me. I can normally tell after that long whether I'd ever want to see someone again anyway.
So a speed dating event was booked and we waited patiently for the big day to arrive.
Around it came in no time and after an annoying time with buses not showing up and the Victoria line not stopping at Oxford Circus, I met with IM and WB and headed to the venue.
When we got there we were told by the doorman that they weren't ready for us yet. This made me worry as we were well into the 'mingle' time before the dates were going to start. Not to mention that we were only joined by two other people. Hmmm a speed dating event with 4 girls and one guy, oh dear.
The doorman finally came back out and apologised saying he didn't realise we were here for the Speed Dating. I'm quite thankful for this as I don't think I would like to be an obvious Speed Dater. We all went in and were greeted by a VERY HAPPY HOST, oh yes you know the sort, did drama at uni and is only doing this so she can go to auditions during the day for artsy plays. She gave us our name badges with a number on it and showed us to the 'complimentary drink' tray.
The night was slowly getting worse, not only did I have all the hassle of getting there (thank you TFL!) but the complimentary drink was a fruit based cocktail. I dislike fruit juices. They just make me feel ill. I used to drink fruit juice all the time as a youngster in South Africa but when I moved to England I just stopped liking them. So I had to buy a drink.
I decided to play safe and go for Gin and lemonade.
"That'll be £7.30 please" said Barman
"Bloody hell - this better be the best gin and lemonade I've tasted in my life for that amount!" Said I.
I know prices in London are high but that was just plain ridiculous. After calming down from parting with seven whole English pounds and thirty of its finest pence, it was time to scan the room to see if there was anyone that I may fancy enough to enjoy my date and hopefully lead to potential snoggage.
In a nutshell (tee hee just had the thought of Austin Powers and his nutshell gag), there was no one. Not a single guy appealed to me. Oh well I thought - perhaps they'll have nice personalities (Ahem).
The bell sounded and the girls had to head to the table that had the same number as our badges. IM and I were literally right next to eachother. It was a very weird layout. Instead of being opposite your date (which would be the most effective layout) your date would have to sit next to you. Yipes.
The second bell rang and the boys came along. My first date was WB. Ironic really. Then the bell sounded again and my real speed dating experience began.
I'm not going to list all 20 dates because frankly I don't remember them but there were a few that stood out so here's a list (because everyone love a list!):
1. Slightly Ginger Boy
I actually got on really well with him and quite liked him. He wasn't massively attractive but we had a laugh. He was slightly ginger though.
2. Smelly Breath Boy
The trouble with having randoms sit next to you is that any bad odour of any sort will be picked up straight away. More so by me as I have a heightened sense of smell. He was a bit of an Essex boy and was ok looking but I couldn't get past the bad breath.
3. Greek Lads
A bunch of Cockneys with Greek heritage were there. They were all hilariously funny and I had a great time with them. Sadly no hunks but real characters.
and to save the best for last,
4. Complete and Utter Axe Murderer Psychopath Boy
Oh yes, this one was a classic. The bell went and suddenly this guy was next to me. I said hello in a friendly, chirpy voice, got down his number onto my sheet and then tried to make conversation. He sat next to me, looking straight ahead and would very slightly turn his head to answer my questions but he'd speak so quietly that I had to ask him to repeat what he was saying 4 times. 3 minutes seemed like an eternity. He was easily the freakiest guy I have ever met. It turns out that he could hardly speak English and I kid you not, was from Transylvania. Now I've often thought I'd make a great vampire (except that I can't stand the taste of blood) because of my name but I'd like my boyfriend vampire to be a bit more like Brad Pitt (Interview with a Vampire) or even Spike (Buffy) but not this weird almost worm like creature.
At the end of the night we stayed for a few more drinks. The Greek boys bought IM and I loads of drinks and we were all having a good time. IM and I then decided to leave as we fancied a bit of boogying. We came out to be greeted by loads and loads of photographers. It was so weird and a little intimidating really. The paps realised we weren't anyone to bother with so turned around to chat to eachother as before. I decided to ask one of them who they were waiting for (hey if there's a chance I could be within 1 mile of Colin Firth I'm going to need to know!). He replied with ' Y'know that Kimberley bird from Girls Aloud'. Bubble. Pin. Pop.
The next day WB and I logged into our profiles to see if anyone had ticked us as a yes. 5 people ticked WB. I'd have been happy with 5 but I've clearly underestimated my popularity with plain looking people! I got a whopping 19 out of 20.
I had a Hollywood expectation of Speed Dating. I'd sit there supping my drink and Smith from Sex in the City would show up. He'd have the comic genius of Ryan Stiles and wit of Stephen Fry. We'd have amazing banter and then we'd head back to mine and shag all night long. It's fair to say that, if I could have afforded Tequila shots at the event, my night quite possibly would've been exactly that. Except of course in the morning (if I was still alive) Smith would've mysteriously disappeared leaving Complete and Utter Axe Murderer Psychopath Boy in his stead.
Posted by Celeste at January 17, 2008 09:24 AM