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THOUGHTS AND SUCH LIKE

Wednesday 3 May 2006

I've been unhappy. For years I've been unhappy.

In fact since just after I left school I've been unhappy.

You see, I was very popular at school. I had a massive group of friends at school, I was a hit with the boys and I was good at my favourite subjects. Except maths. If God wanted us to learn maths he wouldn't have created someone to invent the calculator. I rest my case.

Anyway, once I left school I found I didn't have much in common with my school friends anymore. I was hanging out with older people at work and I had adjusted myself to fit in with them. I've always been older than my years so it was very natural.

My life had been a bit of a rollercoaster, what with moving countries, my parents splitting up and various other bits and I was desperate for security. I used to be adamant that the lack of my father being around hadn't affected me but after much thought and actually allowing myself to admit it (which is fucking hard let me tell you), my Dad not being around did leave its mark. I wanted to be with a guy who could give me unconditional love. Someone who could look after me because I had to look after everyone else. Looking back I can't actually believe that when I was 16/17/18 I truly believed I was ready to settle down, even if the relationship I was in wasn't the one Disney had promised me. But I just put that down to the fact that I'd never been with anyone longer than a year and I'd never been in a 'grown up' relationship before.

The relationship then broke down, like it should've done. I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy it should've happened sooner but I was so set on being with someone and my confidence was so low that I thought I'd never find anyone who I was supposed to be with. For 3 years I'd not know anything else and when you're 18/19 it's a big deal.

I went slightly off the rails (not big time - I'm far too sensible and a goody two shoes), I'd go out most Saturdays and pull a ridiculous amount of guys, I even had two one night stands. Once I'd gotten that out of my system I was quite happy being single.

I then met Tilesey. I'd arranged to meet him for a drink/meal with Jameseyboy as we were down in Tilesey's area that weekend. Up until meeting Tilesey I'd only ever spoken to him via email. We were emailing everyday after stumbling across each other's blogs via Typepad. We got on great via email and I secretly hoped he'd be gorgeous in person.

When we met in person I thought he was just gorgeous. I hoped that I'd see him again. Luckily for me we did meet again. And again. And again.

After nearly a year of us seeing each other on weekends I took the plunge and decided to move down to Southampton. I have slightly mixed feelings about Southampton as it all went tits up with my job but if I'm honest and take away that aspect - it's the best thing I've ever done.

To say that I'm 90% happy is a miracle. When I find a decent job it will mean that I'll be 100% happy - again craziness!

I live in the best house. I live with people who have become really good friends. For the first time since I was 15/16 I have a set of girl friends. More than that they are the sort of friends that will be there for you whenever, encourage you and you can be total idiots together. Plus I've discovered I'm a dog person. I love living with Buddy Monster the black Labrador. He is the best dog ever. I never thought I'd ever own a dog or any form of pet as I used to hate animals but Buddy has changed my mind and when Tilesey and I buy a place together one of the first things we'll be dong is buying a Labrador puppy.

I'm a different person these days. Tilesey has totally changed my life (although I'm sure I have something to do with that too!). I know it sounds silly but in my little world it's big stuff - but I'm eating foods I never would've touched before, I'm healthier (the rampant sex lifes helps a lot) and I'm just more smiley.

So now I just need the place where I'm temping to take me on as permanent staff as I love it here and my life will just be totally terrific.

Posted by Celeste at May 3, 2006 05:30 AM | TrackBack

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